ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
