My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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