She went from zero to smokin in five shots
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
3pm strippers are depressing
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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