we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
