i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
