it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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