Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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