i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
