I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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