remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
