i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
