I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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