My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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