Is it normal to miss your booty call?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
50% drunk capacity currently
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
