So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she smelled like a LAN party
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
