is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
