all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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