Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
