I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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