i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The struggles of a small town man whore
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
