I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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