My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.