i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've blown a few things in my day
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
