Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
