I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
