I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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