hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
