Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There's always time for handjobs
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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