If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
