Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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