Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
