Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
