If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize