you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
