Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
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I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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