Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
