'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need to calm my uterus...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
