I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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