god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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