ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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