She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
