Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
