: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
