So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
