Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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