I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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