Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
