margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
