Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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