Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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