you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
