I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
