god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
