She announced her abortion via fbk
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
