When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
