but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Pants are for mortals
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
