there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
