i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
