I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
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I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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