My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
