Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
