Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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