In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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