I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This is my gift to your gina
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
